Adventures of a spammer

Posted: May 24, 2011 in Uncategorized
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So just like everyone else, I often find my Emails polluted by senseless spam. I know it’s not directed to me personally as sometimes it includes information for enlargements of body parts, but I get a variety of them. I actually have a personal Email which I keep mostly private and one which I use when I need to provide an Email as I assume regardless of assurances, it will be sold for a trillion dollars (my information is that valuable) and I will receive unsolicited Emails.

Recently I had some time on my hands and was contacted by one of these spam fuckers and decided to make him my pen pal. I am not sure how long this person will hang in there, but I’ll update as it happens. Enjoy the read and I’ll keep you posted. If he actually responds to me after my last message, I think he will provide me with hours of entertainment.

From Abdul Hassan:
Dear Brother,
I am so sorry for sending you this unsolicited and unexpected mail. I am Abdulrahman Hassan the senior assistance to President Mammaur Gaddafi’ s son Saif al-Islam Gaddafi who has entrusted to me the sum of $65,000,000.00 (Sixty Five Million US dollars) in cash consignment to escape with it to the United Arab Emirates but I diverted the movement to a hide out place in Republic of Benin right now because I am personally against the killings and dehumanization of my fellow innocent Libyan citizens by his father’s detector ship government in our country Libya.

Meanwhile, I have successfully deposited the fund as a consignment containing personal belongings with a private Vault Management Agency here in Benin. If I can confidentially confide and trust in you to receive this fund from the Vault management prior to profitable business investment in your country , then kindly get back to me confidentially with your name, phone numbers and contact address to link you up with the Vault management.

Then later we discuss how this fund can be disbursed and invested in any good business field as you may suggest and some part to help the poor people.
Best Regards,

Abdulrahman Hassan (Libya)

( note: Benin is a country in West Africa where the official language is French )

My response:
Oh, wow, homie, this sounds like a great deal! How do I know it’s not a scam? I do not like spam OR scams so I have to know.
Mr. Lee

From Abdul Hassan:
Thank you very much for your response Mr. Lee. I have noted your careful thought over this project and it is well commendable because of what is going on around the world today where certain people use the internet for their selfish interest thereby leaving some innocent individuals and their families in pain. Meanwhile, I also want to use
this medium to assure and reassure you that this project is 100% genuine, legal and risk free and both you and I will have nothing to neither lose nor regret at the successful actualization of this fund.

And I contacted you to assist me receive this fund based on mutual trust and confidence I have in your person prior to a profitable business partnership investment with you in your country that you will not betray me at the successful end of this project when this fund will be in your possession. I am not asking you to send money to me and I do not need a cent from you. All I need from you now is your full name, telephone numbers and contact address because I will forward the above details to the Vault Management where I lodged the fund as a consignment to prepare a change of Ownership documents to your name and details as the legal owner/beneficiary of the cash consignment. And as soon as the ownership document is out in your name
I will then forward it to you for evidence then you come to Benin here and meet me face to face to receive the cash consignment from the Vault Management.

I wait your urgent response to this mail so I can give you further details on this regard.
Thank you,
Hassan

My response:
Well, thank you right back for your prompt response Abby, if I may call you that. Glad to hear that this is 100% genuine, legal and risk free because as I mentioned, I hate canned spam and I hate scams. I’m not trying to sound like Dr. Seuss, but that’s real, homie. Damn, homie, I have to go to Benin? I didn’t know that. I looked it up and it’s far. I’m brown and look a little hoodrattish so I generally get stopped at the airport so it’s a pain in the anus to travel. How far of a drive is it from South Florida?? I also read that the language there is French? I do not speak the language. All I know is “oui oui” which sounds like “wee wee” and reminds me of either genitals or a barnyard. I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that. How much is this cash consignment I would get? I’m trying to get paid, son! Let me know because this sounds very profitable and I would like to know this is safe before providing you with all my personal information. Thanks, homie. Peace.

Mr. Lee

From Abdul Hassan:
Mr. Lee, this project is a very profitable one as I informed you earlier and both you and I will have nothing to lose at the end instead we shall have everything to profit at the successful end when this fund will be fully actualized and be in your possession. All I want us to do now is to give complete attention and seriousness to this project and do everything within our possible best to actualize
this fund as urgent as possible.

The total amount of cash in the consignment is $65 million US dollars only and I deposited the cash consignment with the Vault Management under Non-Inspection and Non-Disclosure agreement with the Vault Management so they do not know the consignment is containing real cash but simply known it be a consignment that contains family belongings. And if at the successful actualization of this fund in your possession then 60% of the total fund shall be my own share and 40% of the total fund shall be your own shall.

I want you to come to Benin to meet me face to face and receive this fund so you will understand that this project is real and not fake. But if you can not make your trip to Benin then forward your personal details to me including your mobile telephone numbers and also suggest to me the means in which you want us to move this fund safely to your possession before I make my way to meet you in your country for my own share of the fund. I wait to hearing from you urgently today.
Thank you,
Hassan

My response:
Thank you for your respond, Abby. This sounds like it has a ton of potential. Trust me I want to give this my complete attention and seriousness as well. I’m a very serious individual. My friends even call me Mr. Serious. I think I can trust you as you sound like a very trustworthy cat. I’m a good judge of character. The soonest I can go to Benin would be this Friday (I already requested vacation time from my boss. He said no, but I told him to go fuck himself and he fired me. Not that it matters now since my share will be about $26,000,000 ) and I would return on Monday. I do need to ask you for a favor since you’re my friend. I did a brief search on travel.yahoo.com and it would cost me $5,464 to travel there and a hotel stay. Currently I don’t have the money so since you’re my homie, I figured what we could do is have you send me the $5,464 via PayPal to this email so I can schedule my flight and hotel stay. I’m sure that won’t be a problem as I’ll pay you back once I have the $26,000,000. Once I have the cash to do this, I’ll give you my full name, address, cell number, home number, social security number, shoe size, measurements and a photograph (non nude). Please let me know when the transfer of funds is completed to my Paypal. I’m looking forward to our business transaction. How’s the weather in Benin? I need to know what type of clothes to pack. Thanks!
– Mr. future millionaire Lee

From Abdul Hassan:
Thank you very much once again Mr. Lee, I so much appreciate your idea and sincerity in this project but I can only afford to send you $3,500 only via western union money transfer and I think you can be able to make it up and get your flight ticket to meet me here. So get back to me soonest to know how I can send the money to you via western union money transfer because that is only fast way I know.

Thank you,
Hassan

My response:
Thanks for the response, Abby. Listen, first off I want to apologize for how long it takes me to respond. Truth be told is that I’m running on a grape flavored iMac on a 56k internet connection with AOL, which is the reason why I really could use the money. $3,500 sounds great. The only issue is that there is only one Western Union place close by and it’s across from a school and according to the court, I have to stay at least 1,000 feet from every school. I can’t travel too far with my El Camino as it’s not working all that well. The best method to do this transfer would be via Paypal.com, just find me with this email address and I’ll be ready to roll immediately. I’m eager to do this deal. Do you believe the Miami Heat will win? Please respond soon. Thanks.

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Comments
  1. […] I’ve been hurt less by being rejected by women. This hurt my ego. This hurt my pride. Was it me? Something I said? Where are the Kojo Michael’s of the world? Snappy Lobsters? Sweet, thoughtful men like Pastor James Harry??? Is Madam Safia Farkash Gaddafi thinking about me or has she forgotten?? I thought we had a connection. How about Hannah from CagesByDesign (that one has to be my favorite)? How about old friends that come and go like Ernie Ihoria? Or the original one I ever did which let me know how much fun this was, Abdul Hassan? […]

  2. […] posts I enjoy to read are a spammer, quitting my job,  the USPS screwing up, selling me items online, and what people do wrong on […]

  3. Daryl says:

    BRILLIANT !! Big Ups !!!

  4. Q'Choo says:

    EXCELENTE!!!

  5. kim says:

    Lolazo!

  6. wes says:

    What would be funny is if you really get $3500 from this dude Hahahaha

  7. wes says:

    That is effin awesome..

  8. irateb says:

    Hilarity! If he doesn’t respond soon, you should offer to stay at his house for a little less money…

  9. Q'Choo says:

    WAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…too funny!!! I’ve been wanting to that for a while now….but have NO patience with it…KEEP IT UP…and keep me posted!!!

  10. Joe says:

    Absolute genious. TOO FUNNY.

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