My weekend was a bit full as I’m trying to stay busy these days so I don’t dwell on drama and stress. On Thursday the 16th I went with some friends to The Pub in Pembroke Gardens. That’s our usual spot not only because they have a fantastic beer selection, but it’s across the street from work (try my favorite beer there: Twisted Thistle). It doesn’t hurt that the (mostly ) cute servers wear cute plaid skirts. Unfortunately the men who work there wear the skirts too. Just so we are clear, I don’t want anyone to ‘educate’ me on the terminology of kilts and such. I find it irrelevant what those skirts are called in other parts of the world. Here if you wear it, my friend, you are wearing a skirt. Anyway, we had a great time at The Pub and made some new acquaintances. I did break down a bit and wound up smoking that evening, but I refuse to fall back into that pattern, but that’s a story for another time. I spent most of my evening feeling slightly self conscious now that I had shaved all my facial hair, though. It was a bit mortifying, but it seems you strange people prefer it that way.

Friday I went out somewhere in Ft. Lauderdale with a good friend of mine. I don’t know my way around there so I don’t know where I was other than the Galleria Mall. We wound up having something to eat in a fantastic restaurant called Seasons 52. I live far from there, but that restaurant is worth the drive all on its own. I had a nice meal, wine and a beer. The food is spectacular. I’m talking about it was so good that I wanted to rub it all over myself. I even disregarded my healthy eating and had dessert. On my way back I scoped out the beach area. A little small, but it looks like it made it on my bucket list of things to do. I’ll have to find a partner in crime for that visit (taking applications). I wonder if that is pet friendly. I would like to bring my mentally handicapped dogs there.

So as my luck would have it, my watch broke. Well, I think it broke. It may just need a battery change. I’m not much of a tech guy. I know how to use all sorts of gadgets, but don’t expect me to do any repairs. I know my limitations. Regardless of that, I decided to go to the International Mall to purchase a new watch. I knew it was a bad idea because these malls teem with people like insects on a carcass, but insects with attitude problems. I refused to be deterred as it was a beautiful Miami day.

I regretted my decision nearly instantaneously. There were cars everywhere. I knew that meant the cattle was congregating throughout the mall being loud and obnoxious and devoid of words such as “excuse me” “please” and “thank you”. I nearly tucked my tail and ran. After driving around in circles like I was doing donuts for a parking space, I got some exercise in when I had to walk an absurdly long distance to enter. At this point I was convinced the stores must be giving items away because the place was flooded with people. I couldn’t help but to think of that zombie movie Dawn of the Dead where the people are in a mall while the zombies stumbled about on the outside. In this movie the zombies were all inside. My zombies were scarier, though. These were squeezed into too tight clothing, gallons of hair gel on spiky hair, and one even sported a giant mohawk. I managed to escape my zombie apocalypse and walk out with 2 new watches (don’t forget to compliment me on them when you see me) and head back home.

It had been so hot in Zombieland that on the way back home I stopped by the Dolphin Mall with the intentions of grabbing a frozen piña colada. Suddenly I realized that in this horror movie I went from the zombie mall to another. This mall is larger so this was worse. I nearly parked in another county to walk in for a damn piña colada. Hopefully all this walking is doing wonders for my glutes. Also compliment me on those when you see me. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed my ice cold drink and cattle watched. I apologize, I meant people watched. Not in a creepy stalker way I promise.

So later on in the evening, a friend came to pick me up and hit a place called America’s Backyard. I’m a bit of a homebody so I had not been there or heard of this place even. This place was NOT my usual watering hole. This was my watering hole on steroids. First off, the servers in this place were absurdly attractive. Or so I heard. I don’t pay attention to such things. Even when at some part of the night these super hot servers work in bikini bottoms. Or so I heard. The place was a bit hot, but it had a nice vibe and atmosphere. Not the usual pretentious shit you get when you’re in South Beach and other places in Miami. If this place wasn’t so far, I would hit it back up soon. After that I bounced around to check out a few places, but none were quite as fun.

Either way, check any one of those places I mentioned. You’ll thank me. And if you do check out America’s Backyard, please let me know if the servers are as hot as people say as I seem to have completely missed that.

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