I was sent two articles and was told it would be interesting for the blog. I couldn’t figure out what would make it so interesting until I started reading. I can only surmise that the intent was to be funny. I refuse to believe someone would actually be this level of stupid. I mean, there’s stupid and there’s I-Should-Wear-A-Helmet stupid. If a guy had written this, he would be crucified.

10 Things Husbands Should Never Do
Let your man know some of his habits aren’t so well received
By Diane Oatis (Diane, you’re a moron. No man would ever penetrate you) Posted December 02, 2009 from WomansDay.com

Guys, we love you, we really do. But as wonderful as you are, every so often you do something that makes us want to jump out the nearest window (or push you out first) (Diane, please. You go first. I promise I’ll follow). Please, please, don’t ever…

1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids. When your 16-year-old neighbor does it, it’s called babysitting. When a parent does it, it’s called child care, and it lasts for at least 18 years. Get it (what I don’t “get” is why you continued typing after you wrote that. Do you have children? Because if you do it wasn’t due to someone sleeping with you)?

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. At the end of a hard day, there may be smoke coming out of your ears, but let’s face it: You’ve basically been sitting on your butt. That same smoke is coming out of our ears too—but we’ve cleaned the house, shuttled the kids around, run errands all over town and lugged grocery bags besides. When we say we’re exhausted, we are exhausted. (This was from 2009? You blithering hag. Office work CAN BE harder. And housework is shared. Even for animals such as yourself)

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. Forgive us if we can’t work it up for this one. A new washing machine? Really? Can we get you some new snow tires (bitch, you know how expensive tires are? Yes, please buy me some tires. So I can run you the fuck over. And over. Make sure they’re run-flat, though)

4. Buy us the “cougar” perfume. Under our crew-neck sweaters may beat the heart of an untamed vixen—but most of us don’t want to smell like one. (Nice try, though.) (what is fuck’s sake is “cougar” perfume? I have an idea. If your man buys you perfume and you don’t like it, you still thank him for the gesture and maybe even hint what you like beforehand. However, do you mules even use that?)

5. Brag about your driving. This is supposed to let us know that ours isn’t so great (insecure much? do they license animals?). If my husband tells me one more time that he’s been “accident-free since 1978,” (Diane, I suspect he married you in 1978 and that’s what he’s referring to. I understand your  confusion) I’m going to reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up. (if you do that, please don’t wear your seat belt, Diane. And after the accident, I hope a raccoon chews off your nipple)

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. I don’t know whose fault this is (Food Network? Julie and Julia?), but every so often we get the idea that it would be fun to make stock and spend the day basting. If the result is less than earth-shattering, say something nice anyway. (same as the perfume? he’s probably not sure if you’re cooking of making a witch’s brew. I bet your husband’s girlfriend cooks better.)

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. We know that the second you get into a department store you start to feel faint (Is that so, Diane? I like shopping. You probably annoy your poor husband.), but do us a favor and take the extra five minutes. Otherwise, you know who gets stuck with the returns (I bet he returns it to get away from you. He should buy you a Coach saddle so he can ride you to work. Guys know to try on items. We just don’t have to try on one thousand things that we know we aren’t buying)?

8. Know it all, especially in public. Oh, honey. While you’re going on at length about whatever it is (probably the only happy moment your husband has), we’re taking the temperature of the room, and we know everyone’s starting to fidget (you’re so intuitive, are you? Here’s a new trick: shut the fuck up. Let your man enjoy the attention and display his knowledge. It’s all he has left since you sucked up all his self esteem).

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. Sometimes getting a new cut goes well; sometimes it doesn’t (if I were your husband I would brush your hair forward so I wouldn’t have to look at you). Usually we know the difference. Don’t rub it in. (You’ll be OK once you shed, you mouthy beast. Most men wouldn’t criticize their loved one. I think your husband hates you)

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. Umm…it’s your house too, right? For now, we’ll give you the bronze. Maybe someday, if you work hard enough, you can pick up a gold (why would your husband need a medal when he has a trophy wife? If anything he should get an award for putting up with your ass. Most states don’t allow beastiality so he’s taking a huge risk. Diane, never write again. If this was supposed to be funny it failed. If it was serious, you’re still an idiot. I hope your labia shrivels up and falls off.)


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