My Inspiration

Posted: March 28, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Since you take the time to read my blog, I wanted to introduce you to someone very special.

I’m doing this one for fun and shock value. I love and admire my mother. To this day I rely on her for advice and an ear and she always pretends to be interested in whatever crap I say, which is awesome. We have our differences of opinion regarding my blog (particularly as far as vulgar language is concerned), but overall I think she likes it. Anyway, this is the one person I look up to more than anyone. Let’s see what we can squeeze out of her. This is totally unplanned and she wasn’t expecting it which was great.

Name:
I’ve a number of them, but Momma is my favorite name. (I particularly liked screaming from different shopping aisles “mooooooom” to upset you when I was younger. Good fun)

Profession:
Jack-of-all-trades, Master of none (I’m the master of this blog; I’ve got you beat)

How many children do you have:
5 that I claim as my own, plus a few others that I share with other mothers (I did NOT know about the counterfeit ones. We need to talk)

Which is your favorite child:
Whichever one I’m interacting with at the time (oooh. A surprising twist. I didn’t expect this. Well played, Mom. Well played.)

Seriously, isn’t Lee your favorite child:
When I’m interacting with Lee, Yes. (I totally am)

How do you feel being directly responsible for giving birth to a son strange enough to post a blog of this nature:
I feel great, except for when he resorts to cheap shots like vulgar language. He’s a super-talented communicator, so no need for that $*$*%&%0. (I SO want to curse right now. I do want to say that when I curse it sounds good. It flows. It’s like when DeNiro curses, but brown)

What do you think of Lee’s blog:
Normally, it makes me smile, sometimes chuckle, and every once in a while, I almost fall out of my chair laughing. I enjoy it very much. Usually. (Usually? Someone is lying and it ain’t me!)

What is your favorite part of Lee’s blog:
The funny bone part. (Translation: the sheer and utter brilliance, wit, creativity and sense of impeccable comedic timing)

What do you dislike the most about Lee’s blog:
$(%(%(^%(, I already said that. (I learned from my parents)

Share an embarrassing story about Lee for the readers:
When Lee was maybe 4-5, I took him, Joey, Mike, and Oliver to a movie theater to see “Drunken Master” (I friggin’ KNEW this would come up). I always hauled around those four little boys, it was crazy, lots of fun and a bit unpredictable (I would never do this. If you only have two hands, that means you can’t choke the other two kids in case they all go native). This time, we sat down in the dark, along with a couple of hundred screaming kids, as it was a matinee. The kids starting getting even more worked up as the action in the movie started and a few kids got up and started kicking along the aisles (I actually cringed as I read this). Lee must’ve decided that he had to top that (MEEeeee??) and he suddenly ran down the aisle, up the steps to the platform in front of the screen and started kicking along with Jackie Chan (Your boy got skills). The kids in the theater now went wild, especially my other three! I felt a weird cross between being mortified and laughing hysterically (Something tells me this sensation happened frequently). It took me a (seemingly long) couple of minutes to muster the courage to go claim him. Of course, he didn’t get in trouble. He was too cute then (THEN? Yeah, OK. I agree.). I’ve another one about Lee lined up to play a Christmas elf, but I’ll save that one for another time! (Wow. That one made me laugh. you should have totally shared this. We’ll have to find a way to work that story into the blog. I can’t make fun of people if I can’t make fun of myself. Plus, I’ve done enough to have plenty of things to laugh at myself for)

Share a great story about Lee for the readers (particularly if it makes me look awesome):
Lee and Joey (I’m sorry, why are we discussing the other son? This is about ME) were on high school volleyball teams. They were (even more then) a little on the short side, so I showed up to see their first game not expecting very much action. Wow, was I wrong. They both were more than talented, awesome! Lee’s vertical jump was INCREDIBLE (Yeah, so I’ve heard. But that was years and pounds ago)! That’s kind of the way he is. Always a surprise waiting to happen (Sometimes good, sometimes bad and sometimes a fluster cluck)!

Who do you think would win a fight, Lee or a half dozen midgets:
Lee still packs a mean front kick, evidenced by kicking a cretin’s chest recently. So the midgets wouldn’t stand a chance. (I would even throw in a 7th midget just for kicks. See what I did there?)

Favorite movie:
Tie between Forrest Gump and The Notebook (Oh. My. God. I almost didn’t include this. Neither movie has a single fight scene. Well, I never watched The Notebook, but that’s only because I’m a MAN)

Favorite book:
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (book is far better than the movie) (Darn. Got me beat. I have not read nor seen the movie. I’ll watch it if you watch MY favorite: Goodfellas. You just have to wait for the kids to be sleeping. Trust me. That movie would expand their vocabulary)

Little known fact about you:
I’m the Queen of Sappiness, hence my choice of book and movies. WHAT, that’s not “little known” (*cough NO cough*)? OK, I love to listen to ghost and UFO stories (Yes!! We used to watch Unsolved Mysteries back when I was young).

Is it true that Lee is the cutest child you have:
Not true. ALL my children are beautiful, smart, funny, and charming. Lee IS special though (I’m not quite certain how to take this. Translation: Among my children, Lee is like finding a rare diamond sitting on a gold vein next to an undiscovered unknown dinosaur skeleton)

Is it fair to say that Lee’s inner child is actually on the outside:
I WISH he were more on the outside. He prefers to ruminate (Oooh, ruminate. I like. though at first I thought you said “urinate” though I wouldn’t dispute that either..) about life and stay in. Make that child play outside more!

How poorly behaved was Lee as a baby, Jr. High and High School from 1 – 10, with 10 being the worst in each age range:
OMG. Even as a tiny baby, Lee was a handful (Fat?). That didn’t ease up until only a few years ago (Yep. I’m angelic now. Bent halo, but it’s there). So, pretty much a 10 all across (If this were the olympics, I’d be killing it right now).

As you know, Lee has been working out. Have you gotten tickets to the gun show:
I live with a gun show, so No. John can crank out a few hundred crunches with ease! Top that and I’ll be impressed with the six-pack show (Six pack? I’ll put down a 12 pack with ease. Top THAT, John).

Parting thought for the readers:
Who knew that blogging would be the key to the “riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma” (Wrapped in a grumpy brown package)!

Love you mom!!!
Right back at you, kiddo!

* SHIT*
I wasn’t going to leave without cursing at least once. Sorry, Mom!!!

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Comments
  1. […] with my mom (The Oracle), we had a ton of German Shepherds for dogs shows. Gorgeous dogs of all ages and types. Those […]

  2. Red says:

    Your mom is awesome. Why didn’t we ever get our mothers together?! They would have thoroughly enjoyed meeting each other. I swear I was reading *my* mom’s posts here. 😉

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