Article: 11 Things Every Girl Should Hold Out For

Posted: April 27, 2012 in Uncategorized
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When I look at my stupid horoscope, a few links for “helpful and insightful” articles pop up. Apparently you women have to hold out for a few things.And the article goes a little something like this:

Since I’m in between relationships at the moment, I’ve had some time to think about what I want and don’t want in a future partner. It helps, too, that I’ve had ample opportunity to observe all of my friends and their relationships. So I made a list of some must-haves we single ladies should be looking for. Well, not just looking for, but holding out for. Here’s what is non-negotiable:

1. A guy who can make you laugh. Some things in life are not funny. Can he make you at least chuckle when the chips are down? (You know, I always hear this one but it’s strange to me. Yes, women like a guy who can make them laugh but tell this to a funny ugly guy. The world is shallow. I’m funny as hell so I should be fine.)

2. A guy who will laugh at your jokes and “get” you (Well, OK. I will agree here. Though it’s easy to laugh at jokes without actually finding them funny. Come on, you must have done it, particularly at your job. I’m sure if your boss tells a stupid joke you laugh). He might not understand you perfectly on the first date (And it’s frightening to think you would expect him to), but if you think you’re funny at all, I hope he gets that and appreciates it about you. Otherwise, you could be Kathy Griffin and you’ll still be laughing alone your whole life. Well, she’s single. But I mean, if Kathy Griffin were-whatever! (She’s ugly and not very funny. You know who’s funny? Loni Love. And I wouldn’t date her, just for the record.)

3. A guy who will attend your lame “things.” Adult dance recital, Mom’s birthday party? Find the guy who will go to something boring even though he will get nothing out of it-but he’ll go for you. (Most guys understand this is a must. After all, a girl will wind up going to things which are totally awesome but she will find boring as well..for you. Return the favor.)

4. A guy who will do nothing with you. And I mean Nothing. If you’re feeling low-energy, anti-social, or blah, can he sit and do nothing with you or does he always leave you on the couch and go party with the guys (If the guy leaves you all the time to go party with the guy, it’s The Kiss of Death. Recognition of red flags a-waving is crucial)? And could you two entertain each other on a deserted island or while stuck in traffic? (OK, I’m down with this. Though on a deserted island I would consider eating the girl snicker  depending on the resources, but good company is rare and invaluable. Such as my own)

5. A guy who will give you a thoughtful gift or card (Classes should be taught for this. Most guys lack creativity and thoughtfulness and it’s not that difficult). Not every time, obviously, but I would hope this dude would have his moments of showing you he has thought about you (You can never have too many brownie points. I swear relationships are akin to a barter system).

6. A guy who will say he loves you (Don’t force his ass to say it. If he feels it, he should say so. And don’t throw that line out after sex. That’s borderline blackmail / extortion). I do not care about his made-up theory that love is just a social construct or what have you (This is sounding like The Matrix!). Hold out for someone who can and will say it (And how in the world are you supposed to know it if you’re holding out?? That’s like saying don’t sleep with a guy who snores). Also, he shouldn’t say it just because you want him to (Yep. And no blackmail / extortion tactics); he should say it because it feels good to say it (OK, let’s not be sappy. He should say it because he means it, not because he feels good when he says it and it causes rainbows to appear and unicorns to walk on your lawn).

7. A guy you respect (Well, this is senseless. I never really wanted to date someone I don’t respect). Does he have a good head on his shoulders (Tough. Most people don’t)? Does he generally like his job (If this is requirement, I may be screwed)? Is he proud of himself? Let’s hope so, ’cause if you think he’s a lazy idiot (If you think your significant other is a lazy idiot, I think you’re an imbecile for dating them), you’ll end up resenting him.

8. A guy you have good chemistry with (This is now redundant. Doesn’t this go back to a guy who “gets” you?). He doesn’t have to be Jude Law, but you should be attracted enough so that every time you have an argument, you will be motivated (by your underlying desire for him!) to work it out (And we go back to the world being shallow. I prefer to avoid arguing at all costs. Most things have a logical solution to them and if not, there’s always a middle ground).

9. A guy who agrees with you about travel. If you have wanderlust and he never wants to leave his hometown, don’t compromise by staying with him long-term and staying home. It’s fine to be a homebody, but if you’re interested in exploring, find a guy with the travel bug. Otherwise, you’ll look back one day when you’re too old, tired, or broke and you’ll wish you had seen the world. (Interesting. Never thought of it. But I guess it’s true. I think there’s two types of people: those who push you and those who drag you down. You don’t need my Yoda-like wisdom to tell you which you should avoid)

10. A guy with similar family goals. Don’t compromise on whether or not you’ll have kids. If you want them, find a guy who does. Me, I don’t get serious with guys who say “maybe” they want kids. I want someone who feels as sure as I do-and I can’t talk anyone in or out of anything. (Yep. If you want to breed like a rabbit and I don’t, well, we’re going to have an issue. I don’t even know if I want kids but I’m not closed to the idea. Let’s just say I’m on the reproductive fence. I do NOT, however, want to breed like my father and have 6 children. I may want to have a child, but this is not I Am Legend and I’m certainly not interested in repopulating the earth)

11. “Wait for someone who sees you the way you want to be seen. He thinks you’re smart, funny, beautiful and powerful-always. Even on days when you can’t believe any of that about yourself. (OK. No arguments there. Just a question: What if you’re not? Just kidding… sorta)

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