Article: Sexting

Posted: May 1, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Turns out there’s rules for every damn thing known to mankind. I mean, this may affect you (not me as I follow few rules known to man due to my brownness and rebellious nature), but sexting? Is nothing sacred?

I guess it makes sense to have rules for this. I recently overheard a funny story told by a girl who sexted someone and realized after hitting send that it was addressed to the wrong person. I can think of few things more mortifying than this. iPhones need to have the ability to rescind a text prior to it reaching its destination. Anyway, here goes the article for you sexting freaks:

How to use your cell phone to start or spice up a relationship.

These days, women need to be technologically savvy not only for work, but also for their love lives. In today’s dating world, men aren’t limiting themselves to calling us. Instead, we’ve come to expect a flirtatious text or two after a date. If you hit it off, you might even take it to the next level of “sexting”—exchanging sexy images and texts (I can vouch for this. Many Facebook friends have sent me photos. Just sayin’).

Texting is a return to written language as a means of flirting (now we are just trying to go all philosophical where there’s clearly more lust than logic, but OK)—albeit with a modern twist. For most of the 20th century, besides the occasional love note (message in a bottle, unicorns, rainbows, suits over the puddle and a duel for your honor..), our means of romantic expressions were limited to phone and in-person chatter. Texting expands and adds nuance to the ways we express interest, connect and generate heat in relationships (OK, I thought this article was going to be sort of humorous and pervy, but so far this reads like a school textbook. Get to sexting already. I do not need the history of communication. Get to the good stuff).

Language is sexy,” Dr. Susan Herring (heh… she’s named after a fish. hehe), professor at Indiana University’s School of Library and Information Science, says. “Language is a powerful vehicle for flirting and making oneself look attractive in a gender-appropriate way.” (versus sign language, smoke signals and the shocker sign) When flirting using technology, as opposed to talking, people are more aware of how they use words and symbols. For example, because a woman can’t show her feminine side by flipping her hair or batting her eyelashes via text, she instead might use an extra exclamation point or the ever-popular emoticons. Of course, some folks wouldn’t be caught dead using a smiley face to express emotion; it all depends on your style. (sigh… you’re lacking style with your crappy article)

Why Text? So what’s the advantage to flirting via text when you can talk on the phone or in person? For one thing, it’s easy. (Easy is good sometimes)

“Flirt texting is good (flirting via text and sexting are not the same) for getting to know one another throughout the day because we don’t have time and we’re busy. It’s also an easy, convenient way to connect,” says Olivia Baniuszewicz, co-author of Flirtexting: How To Text Your Way To His Heart (I bet you she’s single). Sending a text message is less of committment than a phone call or an in-person meeting (But don’t you already have to go through that prior to the text? It’s a non-issue). It’s a quick, simple way to show you’re thinking about someone, without much risk.

Kevin Sullivan, 32, agrees. “I definitely think text messaging is easier (This is not about texting, it’s about sexting. Don’t be lazy. Get to know someone in person. You can read into texts incorrectly) than a phone call and it’s good on the starter level to find out if you are actually interested in someone,” Sullivan says. “If you say something that she doesn’t like or she says ‘no’ there’s no embarrassment (Why in the world not? It still makes you an idiot).

“On the other hand, a well-timed text can pique your interest in someone. “You meet a guy and are on the cusp about him and he sends you something funny and cute and then you think, ‘OK, now I’m a little bit more interested,'” Baniuszewicz says. (But you’ve already met him, lady-with-a-name-I-refuse-to-type)

Texting and technology are also a great ways of communicating in a long-distance relationship. “Soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan are texting and emailing their partners and that keeps the connection going,” says Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (And not practicing operational security?).

What To Say
Unsure of what to type? Try being coy, sassy or a little bit cocky like you would if you were flirting in person
(sigh…or do it in person). For instance, if he texts something like “I miss you,” Goldstein and Baniuszewicz recommend saying something like “I know, aren’t I adorable?” or “Yeah, I’d miss me if I wasn’t around too (that one gem should go over well).

“Flirty texts can and should be used even when you’re already in a relationship (I’m with that. For sure. You can trust me. I’m a master of relationships. I just got a divorce). Try sending your husband an “I love you” message or a simple “I’m thinking about you” text. To spice up your texting sessions, text him what you love him doing to you in bed (that’s more like it) or what you’d like him to try next time (even better). If you’re out on a dinner date, try this tip from Flirtexting (damn it, people just try and coin stupid names all over the place: stuptyping) and let him know via cell that you aren’t wearing any underwear (Or show him. Just sayin’. Most phones have a camera).

If he wants you to send a dirty picture, be careful. Secret, sexy photos can be scandalously exciting, but pictures can easily be transferred from mobile phones to the internet, and before you know it, your “private” photo could be floating around the web for anyone to see (Listen, the rules are that your face should never be included. Or recognizable tattoos. I’m certain that 90% of people share those photos with others so if you’re a guy, don’t send it if you fall under the average category. You know who you are).

A few more notes about texting and online communication.

1. Response time is important.
How quickly you respond to a text message can indicate your level of interest. At the office, responding to emails right away is impressive; in dating, a quick reponse to a text can seem desperate
(Let’s not overanalyze. I respond to texts fairly quickly only because my phone is practically grafted to my hand). Conversely, if you’re not used to communicating via text message you may not respond at all, but to a habitual texter no response might seem like a dis.”I think if you are casually seeing someone who responds too quickly it seems too eager, and if you don’t respond at all it’s a good clue you’re not interested anymore,” says Amanda Smith, 25. (Hey, Amanda: Shut your trap. Leave the games for the playground) Sullivan agrees: “The quicker they respond back the more I think they’re interested.”It’s exciting when your love interest contacts you, “and that feeling makes you want to respond right away,” Baniuszewicz says. But that might not be the best thing to do. “Just put the phone down for an hour, relax and you might think of something better to write in the meantime,” she advises. (and here I thought timing was important)

2. Subtleties can be hard to convey.
It’s hard to judge someone’s tone in a text message (which is why in person is preferable…), so sarcasm easily can be mistaken for genuine feeling. Before you send a text make sure your words can’t be misinterpreted
(They always can be). Emoticons can be helpful in this situation. If someone suggests brunch at your favorite spot, you might reply, “That sounds awful ;)”. The wink makes it clear you’re not being serious.

3. Avoid T.U.I. (Texting Under the Influence).
Texting under the influence, much like drunk dialing and drunken hookups (OK, on the scale of “bad drunk etiquette” drunk dialing and drunk texting falls far above drunken hookups which can be rather exciting and useful and awesome material for blogging), often seems like a good idea at the time, and regrettable the morning after. It can be hard to ignore the urge to drunk-text your crush dirty thoughts, or fantasies of your future marriage but trust us, it’s best to put the cell away until you sober up.”I would be in jail if it (T.U.I.) were illegal,” Smith says, noting that she’d rather forget most of the drunken messages she’s sent to men.

4. Know that he may be a text message player.
Newsflash: Men are sending out mass text messages to all the women they want to date and then picking and choosing amongst those who respond to them
(Great generalization you dick).”If I send a message out to a bunch of girls, I try to make it sound like it’s personal,” Sullivan says. “I send out ‘Good morning sunshine, haven’t seen you in a while,’ see who wants to hang out and then I respond to the one I dig and I ignore the other ones.”

5. Don’t text another man when you’re on a date.
It’s just bad text etiquette
(How about not going on a texting spree while on a date regardless of who it is? You’re on a date). Don’t text someone else while you’re on a date. Not only will it distract from your current date (by now it likely means the date is over as you’re clearly bored or stupid), remember point number one, and make your other text buddy wait until you’ve composed a clever response (Or just respond honestly like you always would).

Text messaging can bring you closer to your next relationship or spice up an existing one. But remember, communication through technology should only be part of your relationship (Really?? No strictly electronic relationship? How novel).

“It’s good for meeting someone initially and good if you have a relationship and have that connection as a way to reassure each other when you can’t be with each other physically,” Dr. Johnson says. “It’s tricky to have a whole relationship via typing (No kidding! That’s called a pen pal, not a relationship).

“When used correctly, however, text messaging can increase your dating pool by helping you stay in touch with people, connect you with your loved one via a quick text while at work, spice up existing relationships, and assist those who are less forward in making the first move. (Man, this article was crap. It said sexting and it was about text messages. This is like a heavy makeout session with no happy ending)

This is simple. Sext away people. A good idea is to not include your face in shots that are too revealing. This gives you deniability in case the receiver decides to go native. Always try to be the first one to get one, though so you can have ammunition ready in case this peaceful barter turns into a war. Also, don’t start your session by sending something worthy of porn. Less can be more. Ask me for advice. Lee knows all.


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