Nothing A Blog Post Can’t Fix

Posted: March 25, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

What a weird day….

I hate days like today. I rarely remember dreams, but I remember last night’s dream vividly. It’s particularly frustrating that it’s the things you least want to think about that pop up. It’s almost like my mind fails me. It wasn’t hard for me to figure out where my mind is. I was left upset for the rest of the day. In fact, I woke up from my dream very early. I decided against going back to sleep because I didnt’ want to run the risk of dreaming the same thing again. I don’t have enough control over my thoughts. I hate when it betrays me.

I decided to get ready earlier than usual as I had an interview and I didn’t want to get back to sleep. The location was cool, but I could tell from the interview that I wouldn’t be hired. All the manager kept pointing out was the experience that exceeded what the position requires. I didn’t know how to scream that all I wanted to do was leave my current job.

From there I went to work only to find out that one more employee put in their two week notice (mind you, we’re already short staffed) I had to check a coworker as well. Anyway, I worked for a while and then had an appointment with my therapist. I see this therapist for my anxiety. I eventually want to stop taking medication. Today was all about my mind frame, dreams and thinking about things of that sort. I hated discussing it. My mind is driving me crazy. I’m at the point where I’m wishing I could erase memories. I hate not having control of things. I always feel like I can get things to go my way if I try hard enough. It’s an unpleasant taste when you know that’s not the case, particularly with something you want so badly.

Speaking of replaying and annoyances, my car stereo began having buttons stop working. Little by little no buttons work. Now I can’t control my stereo and it’s stuck playing a cd over and over and over again. Between that and my mind, I’m borderline homicidal.

I topped off my day by arriving to my house to find I hadn’t properly locked the dogs up. There was pee and poop everywhere. It was the fecal cherry on top. The worst part of all of this is that I’m in the process of quitting smoking again. I slipped once, but bounced right back. Dealing with all this crap while quitting smoking is absolutely not easy. I feel like I’m dealing with way too much all at once while pretending that nothing is wrong so that people don’t ask me questions. I have no plans on how to get over all this stuff, which is infuriating.

Either way, we’ll see what happens. I can only keep doing my thing and hoping for the best. I confess that as of late I’m losing the positive vibe. I’m getting a little worn down and it’s not getting any easier. With the little bit of positivity left I’ll hope things start looking up. And I will continue to try to not smoke. Should something good or… not as good pop up, I’ll let you know. Let’s just hope something fantastically good happens. I could use the break.

  1. I fell in love with taylor swift (ugh, lord knows why) because of a dream. I couldn’t shake it for like two weeks. It was unbearable. Dreams are powerful things.

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