Twitter Thoughts

Posted: June 4, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I don’t USE Twitter much, but I do read posts. Sometimes I screen shot something that caught my eye. Thought I’d share.

  • You just have to lose yourself once to find the right you.
  • In a good relationship both of you wear the pants. In a great relationship, neither one of you do.
  • I am not compelled to become attractive to women in general through any deliberate intent. I am enough as I am. No act.
  • The ground I call onto is the only thing I can use to get back up again.
  • I could be the main attraction at your local petting zoo.
  • My spirit animal isn’t having sex either.
  • Let’s play “hang a painting”. That’s where I nail you against the wall.
  • The trouble I have with trouble is that it usually starts out as fun.
  • Has anyone seen my wife? About 5’4″, shoulder length brown hair? Might be riding around in a broom.
  • You cannot achieve a new goal by applying the same level of thinking that got you where you are today.
  • I’m not lazy, I’m a master of energy conservation.
  • In life you have three options: You make things happen, watch it happen or wonder what the hell happened.
  • Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.
  • I have a 2 year waiting list for new friends.
  • I don’t think evolution has hit here yet.
  • Vending machines are homophobic. They won’t take my dollar bill unless it’s straight.
  • Do not for one second think that it cannot get any worse.
  • It’s kind of funny how as you get older you start enjoying things that you hated as a child like taking naps and getting spanked.
  • Want to hear a joke about my penis? Never mind. It’s too long.
  • Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind. You’ll never get it.
  • Even if women came with directions men wouldn’t read them.
  • One word can change your entire mood..entire day..entire future.
  • I want a “delete from browser history” sex.
  • The warmth you feel around me is you getting closer to hell.
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