These are the days that never end.

I woke up relatively early, I applied for jobs, went to a meeting, my math course and did math work subsequent to a workout.

I was not able to sleep earlier so I stayed up late. As usual I have been unable to fall asleep. My mind is everywhere. No, nowhere bad. On the contrary; emotionally I find myself in a pretty good place. My mind is everywhere, though. It raced around reliving things I’ve done, things I want to do and things I wish I could do.

I’m tired but not sleepy. Laying down in the dark only resulted in tossing and turning. And this post, of course.

It’s funny how a few things make a big difference. I’m in a bit of a financial pinch because I quit my job. Thing is that it was reaching a point where I was practically snacking on Xanax to get by. My wallet hates me but I can’t begin to explain (actually I will once I get my hands on a computer) the poisonous environment my regional director created.

As you know, I also took time off from basically all contact for a while. I don’t even know how long it was. I needed it. I came out feeling brand new. It wasn’t just the silence, it was a lot of introspection, problem identification and resolution and a lot of new understanding.

Not everything goes as originally planned (see my romantic life and employment status), but I feel pretty good. When I was away I had two particularly attractive blondies reaching out to me to either make sure I was ok and/or to state they missed me. As much as I wanted to stay away, it felt great to hear that, particularly because I have an interesting history with both.

In fact, I had a female friend visit not too long ago. I hadn’t seen her in ages. I’m in touch with a hot friend from our if town whom I hadn’t spoken to in ages as well. Heck prior to resigning I would have lived to visit. Another one is moving relatively close by. I can’t remember the last time I saw her either. That’s another interesting story I likely won’t share. Sexy petite girl too. I also reconnected with another old friend (Yes. Hot and history as well) but its purely friendly. Not all is well though. There’s this one hot girl who sometimes replies and sometimes doesn’t (I just want a sample. You’re not the type one takes to meet parents or friends. Just a crazy weekend or three), another one that replied last time I wrote and Houdinied (too bad. I actually would have loved to hang out and know her a bit better) and one I upset and now barely speaks to me.

Fortunately for me I’m in a place where I’m having a hard time losing my cool. I do want to let them know that they’re missing out on great fun. Well, except for the one I wanted to actually get to know. I can vouch for my beducation but my personality is an acquired taste. But damn she has a killer smile. It’s ALL good. I love women. I love the attention but the reality is that I need to keep myself out of any commitment type things so it works out.

Other than that, I’m working out frequently. Feels great and I monitor my weight and measurement. I’m not smoking, which has been far easier than I thought. I’m doing well with the math course (though that nagging triceps thing makes it hard to write for long). Still keeping in touch with the kid (my Little) from the Big Brother Big Sister program. I have done research and am TRYING to meditate briefly. My hymen grew back as the chalk line around my sex life still exists (sometimes it’s just not worth the drama).

So here I am. Still around. Still trying to do the best I can as I curse up a storm. Trying to find solutions to problems and learning as I go. Still trying to figure out what outcome I’m looking for but trying to enjoy the process without dying or going to jail. I still see things different than you but I see them different than me too. Get it? Lets see what happens. Lets see what a new perspective brings. Strangely enough I feel pretty positive. I’ll keep you posted. Go to sleep. I’m going to watch tv. My arm hurts now.



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