Ask.com August 2013

Posted: August 26, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Once again I find it my duty to help those in need.

No need to thank me.

How far is Salem Wisconsin from Kenosha Wisconsin:
That one is easy! It’s one Google search away, idiot.

What is a good age to start dating?
If you have to ask, it’s not your time yet.

I have a criminal justice homework assignment and i need help my question is : Should probation officers be required to carry a gun?
Wait, you have a term paper and you want people to basically write it for you? The country is fucking doomed. Don’t be lazy and do your fucking work.

What are some awesome night games for teens?
Here’s one: sleep.

How many hours of daily sleep should a high school student get?
As many as you’re told to.

How do I get rid of arm flab?
I’m not an expert. I don’t know how to help you, but I can educate you. Arm flab is referred to as “the wizard” because it looks like the long, loose sleeves of a wizard, get it? Now go hit the gym.

Is not eating to lose weight bad for you?
Of, course not! Your body is meant to starve and basically eat itself to keep you alive. Don’t be a moron. Survival of the fittest my ass.

What is the fastest way to kill a zombie ?
You really need to watch Zombieland and 28 Days Later. Get informed for the Zombie Apocalypse. Follow the Zombieland rules.

What has a ring but no finger?
A vagina. A phone. Saturn. Onions.

What are some good girl dog names i have a new female puppie?
Wait an actual living organism is under your care? Do your “puppie” a favor and get something more akin to an earthworm, please.

What are some cool ideas for a sleepover? The parts dead so we wanna have fun…in the cheapest way possible. Help!!
Well… this is my specialty. It is, however, far too easy (like your mom) so I will not answer…

Anybody know any good jokes?
Your dad does.

Is having a “friends with benifets” and a “boy friend” at the same time classed as cheating?
Easy (like you) way to find out is this: if you have to ask, you know the answer. Also, if it’s not cheating, why don’t you just tell your boyfriend and see his response? Is this my ex??

What’s your idea of Heaven on earth?
Sex, wine and a cigarette.

Is it normal to enjoy frightening toddlers?
Interesting… I don’t know. Would it be normal for me to choke you the fuck out and leave you laying in a pool of your own drool for frightening a toddler?

Is a man “entitled” to sex with his wife whenever he wants just because “the two are one”? Please explain.
The two are one? That sounds almost like it’s out of the Matrix. Hell no he’s not entitled to shit. The two are one… geez. Your husband sounds like he needs to be in jail and be made one from two by a cellie.

Is it rude to tell a woman that she doesn’t look very pretty?
Holy shit. Are you insane? Trust me, not only do you never want to do that, if you do, you’ll learn to never do that. You shorten your life span. Also, I assume you’re a model?

Parents don’t approve of my relationship…? I’m an 18 year old girl dating a 24 year old gang member.
HAHAHAHAHAHA I mean, they should totally let you. You deserve it. Just months ago you were illegal to date. Think about how intelligent you are.

My boyfriend constantly lies to me and turns everything into my fault we have been dating on and off for over 10 years.
Is this my ex wife? Stop it.

I think my online boyfriend is a fake. How do I confront him?
If you’re dating someone exclusively online you’re an idiot. Does it matter if he’s fake since you never see him or do anything with him anyway?

why some pretty girls can’t find a boyfriend? its not about looks I know,but sometimes you wonder how pretty girls don’t have bf however their personality isn’t awful.
There’s only one of me.

I am 18 and I like older woman like 35 and up to 50 is that OK I just like the rough looking woman like biker woman
LMFAO Homie, you like what you like. As long as it’s legal and you’re not hurting anyone, go for it. Live life. I prefer women unaffected by gravity but that’s just me.

I’m 25 and and my bf is 35 we’ve Been together for 5 yrs my parents are really against me being with him because his 10 yrs older than me.
Tough one. I say that as long as he’s a nice guy and you’re happy, go for it. I mean, think of it if it was the other way around. I think it’s all good.

My teacher hates me and idk wat to do?
You know, I was a bad kid, but I had some asshole teachers too so  I don’t know.

Where can I go fishing to catch fish?
The question is where can you go fishing to NOT catch fish.

is football or gymnastics more dangerous?
Oh, please. There’s a reason you must wear pads for football, twinkle toes.

Can an adult date a minor if there are les than 5 years in difference of the ages?
How well do you look in orange? Do you like jumpsuits?

Why doesn’t relationship last forever?
Because some people can’t formulate a sentence to save their fuckin’ life. It makes for stupid babies.

Caught girlfriend sexting, what should I do?
Give her my phone number, please.

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Comments
  1. Barbara says:

    I’m betting “online boyfriend” really meant “online girlfriend” & was submitted by Manti Te’o. Your advice is legendary, m’friend! 😉

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