September 21 2013

Posted: September 21, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

September is almost over?!

Man, time goes by quickly. More in perspective was when I spoke to The Oracle recently. She had told me that my kid sister was sick and went to the doctor. She had seen the doctor since she was a baby and was now as tall as the doctor. I mean, sure the doctor is short, but it’s a bit of a reminder of just how quickly time goes by even if you’re not paying attention or maximizing it.

I wish there was a lot to say on my end, well at least as far as visible changes, that is. Sometimes it’s not quite that clear.

As you may know, in May I had a disagreement with my Regional Director regarding what I considered to be ethics, bullying and intimidation of employees and resigned after nearly 5 years (she didn’t used to be the director). I take some solace in the knowledge that she’s not with the company either and she has a Non Compete and I do not (she can only be used as a consultant, but not at our last place of employment once she was exposed).

Since then I’ve been madly applying for jobs, any job. So far I have been to a few fruitless interviews. I did, however, expand my search as I’m not tied to Florida and much less Miami. So far the only job that seems to have some potential is one in Maryland and I’m waiting to hear back.

Some may ask “what the fuck are you going to do in Maryland?” Good question. I don’t have a clue, but I didn’t have a clue when I landed in The Idiot Factory called Miami. The job has a lot of upside, so my fingers are crossed.

Unfortunately my travel is facilitated because I have one dog since, unfortunately, Stitch passed away. I still would need some time to be settled if I move, but fortunately I have a friend who would watch Ernie while I do so. We shall see. I could use the good news.

I’m not quite there yet. I’m still busting my ass to play catch up with ancient math courses. See, I was “fortunate” enough that I was passed in math courses back in the day by teachers who either liked me and passed me or disliked me and passed me to not have to deal with me.

It’s a little humbling to have all the requirements to be accepted and nearly complete a degree with previous courses…except for math. At least I’m not starting from scratch. The price to pay, I guess.

Back in high school and my first two years of college classes got in the way of sports, booze and chasing skirts. This is like trying to cheat the IRS, it catches up to you.

“Is the juice worth the squeeze?” It is. I spend hours of my days working on these courses until I get cabin fever. It’s funny, though. It’s detailed work, though not difficult. All math is just as boring as I remember it to be, though.

Shortly before I resigned my computer broke and I dropped my cell. My phone is hanging on by a thread so I barely can blog. Plus, I despise finding typos later on due to blogging through my phone. Needless to say, my expendable income is now different so for the time being I won’t be able to post much.

Although some of you may rejoice, I become frustrated since I rather enjoy posting. I can’t even harass spammers or ridiculous Craigslist ads. Makes my humor go to waste. I will get back to it as soon as I’m able to, though.

Here it gets tricky. My blood pressure is under control with meds. I assume my cholesterol is fine as I eat healthy. I alternate running (despite injuries and pain) with weights. I had regained weight and am working diligently to get back to a shape dissimilar to round.

I lost my motivation and determination a little while back, but I’m trying to replace that with discipline instead. Even when I don’t want to it gets done because I have to. I have been doing a good job of tracking and monitoring it so hopefully in the near future I can share a success story.

I’m failing at not smoking, but I’m trying to reverse that trend. Funny to be a smoker and not like the smell of it.

Relation-what? Unemployment aside, dating is weird. Some days I think I’m ready for it and some days I know I’m not. That aside, Miami is a fetid cesspool, not a proper dating pool. Even when I look at my female friends (strictly as a gauge), I can hardly count which ones would be considered date able.

Some are situational, some personal and some because I know dirty little secrets that would frighten anyone off.

I think the most surprising thing I’ve found is just how many people (men and women) are either miserable and/or unfaithful. Staggering, really. Makes me second guess everything that comes out of people’s mouths.

Don’t get me wrong. I realize it’s a harsh statement, but I’m not judging. We all know I spent the majority of my years trying to place body parts into other people’s body parts – regardless of my (or their) romantic situation.

Everyone has the ability to justify their behavior to themselves. I used to justify mine by never lying to the people I would hook up with about not being single. That made cheating not as bad.

Yes, I know. I was an asshole and, yet, that was my logic. Hell, I wish I could share the logic of other people here, but it’s not my job to put them out there or meddle in their business. Suffice it to say that it’s just as illogical a justification as mine. To each their own, I guess. It just makes me very disillusioned with the idea.

I did resort to some old behavior, though. Again. I made a new friend. We only hang out on occasion and always in the privacy of her home. No potential for anything serious, just friends. She doesn’t seem as problematic as the last person I tried this with, though so it was a plus.

A few things came out of this. I re-confirmed that I’m a rock star with an incredible beducation. Yeah, everyone says it, I know. I don’t even walk the talk, I dance the fucking talk.

I also realized that my friend is a control freak. I wish I could share the text, but it’s way too crude to post, even for me (though feel free to ask me if you know me. You know I’ll tell you). She made it clear recently that she would like me to be available only when she wants and that’s that.

In the most brief of moments I thought it sounded ideal as I don’t have much invested. Quickly this was replaced with the thought that ill be damned if I allow someone, anyone, to wrest control from me. You can’t snatch (see what I did there? Sorry. I didn’t sleep well) the scepter.

I’ve been around quite a bit (take it as you want) and although I’ve seen similar tactics used as tough bargaining tools, this one wants to use it as basically racketeering.

Needless to say, I have now drawn a line in the bed (sigh. Again) and won’t be revisiting our association. Even if the tactics change I think a lesson is in order. I’ll simply wait for the call and decline. Yes. I am the type of cut off my penis to spite my face. Or how ever it goes.

Friendly relationships
Here it’s funny too. For months now I’m operating (quite well. Mostly) without meds for anxiety or depression. I have found that those meds made me a bit more… jovial. I have already had moments where I’ve lost patience with friends and called it a day.

It seems that my normal attitude has significantly less tolerance than an induced one. I just keep it as real as possible and if it makes someone unhappy, well, that’s unfortunate.

I’m not suggesting I’m belligerent. I harbor no real ill will towards most people because it’s draining and exhausting to do so. I just note things and act accordingly (“accordingly” is the catch. How logical is my mind right now? I don’t know. I’m functional so that’s a plus). Good recent examples:

Catch one in a lie? Don’t even bother bringing it up. Just limit contact and never about anything significant.

I call/text and don’t get a reply? I return the favor.

You’re angry at me and want to throw a fit? Keep on stepping because I wasn’t born with anyone and I sure as shit won’t die without someone.

Call me when you have problems, but disappear when things are in order? Good luck next time you need me.

That’s the gist of it, really. It may sound angry and petty, but realistically it’s meant to minimize my stress. I think that avoiding the people that cause any undue drama makes my world function more smoothly. Besides, those fuckers should know better.

Anyway, I hope you have a good weekend. I hope you missed me. Don’t forget to do what you need and want to do, say what you need and want to say. Time flies. You just get today. “Is the juice worth the squeeze?” As for me, I’m going to slowly get ready for an “informal” interview. Subsequent to that all I have planned is math and beer. In that order. And I plan on doing both very early today. Ill have a drink in your honor.


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