My Facebook Confessions

Posted: October 24, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Forget the article I blogged about.

My mind wandered so I splashed it on WordPress and created this mural.

After reading my last post about what some people find annoying on Facebook I started thinking about what I do on Facebook.

Now, I do understand that the same things won’t bother everyone, but I think I’ve at least managed to annoy the majority, which brings me a strange sense of joy and accomplishment.

I realized that there are a few things I do on Facebook which amused me. I thought I’d share.

I “hide” every religious post any friend creates. I mean every single one. I’m not religious. To each their own, but I hate reading it so I hide them. After I roll my eyes.

If you’re hot (and female) at some point in time I have gone through your photos to check out your hotness. This is particularly true if we’ve hooked up in the past. I cherish some memories…

Sometimes I post statuses that don’t REALLY reflect what I’m feeling just for either the shock value or the comedic value. This seems to confuse people (who tend to annoy the shit out of me) regarding me being “angry” or because they don’t agree. I mean, feel free to share your thoughts but 90% of the time you can bet I don’t give a crap.

I know I have some issues with anger, anxiety, depression and perhaps obsessive compulsive behavior. Spare me the diagnosis. I fantasize about head butting you when I hear that sunshine comes after rain, it’s darkest before dawn, at least I have my health, etc. I will duct tape your hands to your feet and sew your lips together.

I know I’m not on a Calvin Klein billboard, but if you’re attractive I will privately diss your significant other for being ugly. This increases depending on your hotness.

If we have a history, when I check out your pics I remember EVERYTHING. I have an incredible memory. Ask. I dare you.

It’s not all bad. I’ve found that some of you are surprisingly brilliant and funny. More surprisingly there were a few people who I thought were buffoons who seem to have adjusted to the idea of evolution and walking upright. You entertain me. Not an easy thing as I have the attention span of a butterfly. Not sure what that means.

I always become flattered when I find out that someone unexpected reads my blog. It blows my mind that some of you read this crap. Truly. It must hurt your brain to temporarily dumb yourself down and subject yourself to it, but it’s awesome!

I despise the “like this picture if” crap. I hate the “likes” for memes with highly improbable stories of sorrow, success and bravery. I particularly dislike the alarmist unsubstantiated “warnings” of new cons or crimes that are easily debunked with less than 5 minutes of research. You, my Facebook friend, are a lazy, naive alarmist.

If you have posted shirtless flexing pics, I have laughed at you. If you have duck face pictures I have felt bad for you thinking it’s cute or sexy. You both wear Eu de Insecurity. Smells bad.

Can you guys stop with Bitstrips? It makes my inner savage start thinking about choke-a-thons and I haven’t had that urge since I left my job. I will choke you with your own hand.

I feel bad that I was such a messed up kid back in the day. Not only because I recognize it was wrong, but some of you turned out to be really hot. Like really hot. Heh.

I don’t like some of you. You don’t have to like me either. In Lee World there are no participation trophies and not everyone gets a carnation with a valentines day card…. Just me. Always me.

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