I swear I’m haunted by my mind.

I was taking a shower after my run (I finally hit 3 miles and my weight is in the 180’s!) and for some odd reason I started thinking about this. I had to come out and share some least favorite moments.

  • Unwise humor:
    Having any procedure done to your wisdom teeth. Immediately you can expect a flurry of the less-than-creative comments about your wisdom, particularly if you’re having your wisdom teeth removed. “You barely have any wisdom, what will you do with less?” and such.
  • Sad endings:
    This is the moment you realize that you don’t have protection when you need it. Sure, you can resolve it, but if it’s a situation of timing, you ruined the vibe. Sometimes you don’t get a re-do. No pun.
  • Unwanted bumping:
    Nothing makes me cringe more than visiting a place both an ex and I frequent(ed). The thought of a run-in with the ex wife or any ex not in good terms is a mood killer. Extra mood killing points if you’re seeing with anything but a very attractive girl. Of course, there are some ex’s I’m cool with and some which I’d like to ‘bump’ into. Sorry. That’s all I had.
  • The second bump:
    This may be even worse; I’m talking about bumping into a one night stand. I mean, forget what the reason for it being a one night thing was, these meetings are unpleasant. It’s brief as you both pretend to not notice, but it’s time to flee after that.
  • The annual ritual:
    There must be a good way to say happy birthday. The pattern of these calls is what frustrates me. You have to sit through niceties, then a bad joke or two about getting old, then congratulations, then more exiting niceties. Hand me a gift in silence. Or maybe via mail. I have an amazon wish list.
  • Lost It!:
    There’s a cold feeling you get when you’re at the bar ordering a drink (or worse¬†– about to pay) when you realize your wallet is at home. I forced myself into a pattern of leaving it in the same place as soon as I walk in so that it never happens… because it did once and once was enough.
  • Handful of¬†Secrets:
    If you’re like me and there are things in your phone you don’ want others to see, well, there’s a tough decision to make when someone asks to borrow your phone. On one hand, you don’t want to say no, but you don’t want to explain why not. On the other, well, whatever things you want to keep private are now in someone’s hands. Fortunately I don’t mind saying no and I don’t have to explain myself.
  • Passenger Danger:
    I despise the feeling of someone else driving a car and being a passenger if they can’t drive properly. Of course, everyone says that they’re great drivers and can rattle off how many accidents they have not had, etc. That doesn’t make them less frightening. It’s like a carnival ride without safety.
  • Faking it:
    It’s almost torture to have someone feed you and the food is terrible. You then have to pretend to like it AND you have to eat it. Even I don’t have it in me to be rude in this occasion. What? You thought I meant something else by faking it?
  • The “Oh” moment:
    That mortifying moment when you realize someone is an idiot. You know what I’m talking about, don’t pretend. One minute you think you’re having a conversation and the next you realize that you were performing a monologue instead. The hollow eyes and rapid nodding while quickly looking away is an easy tell.
  • Tempting ‘fate’:
    I’m not superstitious, but I suddenly become very aware the instant that I say or think “what’s the worst that can happen?” I always think and/or say that. If there is a higher power, I’m convinced he/she/it likes throwing me curve balls and when I think this, that entity goes “Really? I’ll take that challenge!” Like Barney from How I Met Your Mother.

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