Just thinking thoughts

Posted: December 9, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My mind is in so many places and yet I find it hard to write a sentence.

I’m in one of those situations where I find myself thinking about things that took place throughout the year. Have I made the correct decision? Did I choose the right words? Where does it end? Where is this going?

One of the worst feelings for me is ever wondering if I’ve made a wrong decision. I start thinking about what the product of that choice(s) is and what it would (potentially) be if I had made a different choice. The problem is that the thought lingers for a long time until it becomes intrusive. Right now as I sit here it’s taking me a long time to write these few sentences. It takes me that long to focus a thought into a coherent line. I’m starting to think that one of you guys should make my decisions for me so that I can have someone else to blame when I’m not entirely happy with the results.

Right now I have so many moving parts in my life; so many uncertainties. There are so many things up in the air pending SOMETHING and I continue adding more and more in the quest to do the right things, enjoy my life and be happy. Right now I don’t know if they’re the right things, I’m not enjoying very much and I’m certainly not happy. This is getting confusing, but I have no other option but to try and see all these moving parts through to the end. Curious how a couple of seemingly small decisions change everything.

The truth is that I am fully aware that my lack of eating is in part to the last bit of my flu and in part due to how anxious/nervous/upset I’ve been lately. I just like to pretend that things don’t get to me quite that well. It’s just not true…and certainly not as of the last few days.

I realize that 2013 will be a bust no matter what I do. There’s nothing that I’ve put in play that could happen prior to January. Needless to say, looking back I’m very unhappy with 2013. I mean, there were some great things to come out of it, but over all it was just shitty. Let’s just say that one learns from mistakes and 2013 was a year full of lessons. I have zero expectations for the rest of the year, which makes it a bit of a drag to see every day through with even a pinch of optimism. Who knows, though? This year has been full of twists and turns. I guess I can’t rule out a major come back. I doubt it, but I guess it’s possible. I won’t place a bet.


  1. don says:

    sounds like the holiday blues. generalized anxiety. try to focus on specifics and fix those. pretty soon you’ll find you are generally happier. or at least a little less dissatisfied.

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