GQ Rules To Live By

Posted: December 16, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Found some “rules to live by” for men in GQ. Let’s see.

Words by Dan Rookwood (I, of course, am in red)

Some simple life rules to help show her what you’re made of
I took a piss in designer Tom Ford’s toilet the other day. It was one of the more memorable pisses of my life, I’ll say that much. The only light came from chokingly overpowering scented candles, and above the cistern was a picture of a man – 20, 21 – cock and balls out.

This reminded me of… an article I read a while back in another magazine where Ford banged on about his top 10 rules for men to live by. Nothing Moses would have trouble tapping out in stone, but some were useful, concerning the cut of a man’s suit, and so forth. However, he saved this little pearler for the end: “There’s one indulgence every man should try in his lifetime – if you’re straight, sleep with a man at least once, and if you’re gay, don’t go through life without sleeping with a woman. Either way, you might be surprised at how natural it will feel.

So anyway, there I was, standing eye to one-eye, urinating into Tom Ford porcelain, and I thought to myself, ‘Hey, I could knock out a rules list for GQ’. And so I did.

Nothing wrong with a little vanity. Use it, harness it. Too many men give up as they get older. Make an effort, stay sharp. Bust out 100 push-ups every day. Yes, 100. Being comfortable doesn’t mean dressing like a slob. Smarten up your act. Better to over-dress than under-dress. Figure out what your look is and stick to it. If in doubt, navy blue works for everyone. Buy the best you can afford and if you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. Button your jacket, it takes half a stone off your silhouette, and find a signature fragrance so people associate you with a pleasant scent.
(Well, damn. So far I’m sold)

1. Always carry mints. Many of life’s good things – coffee, champagne, sleep – give you bad breath. (Mints, though? I don’t know. Maybe a travel sized mouthwash? A spare toothbrush/paste? I agree, though. I’ve had a couple of moments where I wished I had some)

2. Learn to make small talk. It’s not difficult – just ask people lots of questions about themselves, even if you couldn’t give a shit about the answers. (Maybe pretend to give a shit.) Always have a new joke up your sleeve in case of emergencies. Here’s one my friend Alex told me you can have for free: “I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.” Love that joke. (I don’t know. This sounds too contrived. I’m going to go with “be yourself”)

3. Savour the good times. Hang out with upbeat people, steer clear of negative energy-sappers. Smell life’s roses. Don’t live life through a viewfinder, see it unfiltered with your own eyes. Live for the weekends. Do a job you enjoy, then enjoy your job. Don’t count the hours, make the hours count. Give back: Money. Blood. Time. Time is precious but always make some for those you care about for they are more precious. Find a way to tell the people you love that you love them. (I couldn’t agree more. It’s tricky to do, but it’s something everyone of us should learn to do)

4. Know how to throw a punch but never do so. It’s enough to know you could if you had to. Work on bad habits, whatever they might be – picking your nose, scrolling your phone at the dinner table, punching people. Change what you can change – let go of the rest. (Wow. I’m having a hard time disagreeing. And everyone should know how to throw a punch – and a kick)

5. Stand up for yourself, for what you believe in, and for old timers on the bus. Don’t be anyone’s “yes man”, but say yes to opportunities. Life passes passive people by. If yours should flash before your eyes, have something entertaining to watch. Stretch yourself. Muscles need to be torn to grow; if they’re not used, they waste away. Live outside your comfort zone from time to time. See the world, let it to broaden your mind. Be the bigger man, not the bigot. (I hate agreeing so much. I feel like a follower, but most people don’t stand up for themselves and even more don’t stand for anything. People are content to just be and that’s not the way things should be. Everyone should believe in something, love something/one, fight for something)

6. Always buy your round. Make a point of remembering what people drink. Remember names, birthdays, punchlines. Write stuff down if need be. (Please. That’s what smart phones are for. I don’t know any dates or numbers, but things such as their drinks and such are good little details to have handy)

7. The occasional night out on the sauce might be bad for the liver, but it’s good for the soul. So long as “occasional” isn’t every Friday, Saturday and most Sundays. (Don’t overdo it. Nothing makes a fool out of people faster than booze)

8. Be bold, be decisive, back yourself. Self-confidence is attractive; a lack of it is a turn-off. (Preach! Yes!)

9. Don’t be too proud to ask for help. Pride not only comes before a fall, it comes prior to getting horribly lost and having a massive sweary argument in the car. It can also come minutes before electrocuting yourself. (Asking for help is a necessity and helping others should be your duty as well)

10. You always feel better after you’ve exercised. Don’t forget to stretch. (Does a lion stretch before pouncing on a gazelle? You do feel better after exercise. Get it! If you look better, you feel better and you act better.)

11. Learn how to accept a compliment and how to pay one. (It’s hard to do, but learning to accept a compliment is important. And only give them if they’re genuine. Don’t sacrifice your honesty for ass kissery) But don’t overdo or it’ll lose value. Look people in the eye when you talk to them, but don’t stare. Listen. A true mate is there when you need him, especially in the tough times. A “fair-weather friend” is an oxymoron, emphasis on moron. Be faithful to your mates and footy team – but first and foremost to your partner (Honesty above all. You’re fairly worthless without it).

12. Manners are an indicator of class. Don’t just say thank you, write it in a card. Keep letters and cards from people that matter, throw away those that don’t. A cluttered house equals a cluttered mind. Prune regularly. (Manners are not an indicators of class. That said, “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” should be part of your vocabulary. Don’t take shit for granted.)

13. Woody Allen was right: “Showing up is 80 per cent of life.” But both Elton John and the boy band Blue were wrong: “Sorry needn’t be the hardest word.” Say it first. You get a real sense of perspective from atop the moral high ground. (Showing up is 80% of life? Senseless garbage and if you’re wrong, hold yourself accountable for your actions/words and always apologize for it. Make corrections and do it better – be better)

14. Watch your salt intake. Except when it comes to unsolicited advice – like this column – which should be taken with a pinch. (Yep. Watch the salt. And sugar. Screw it. Everything is bad for you)

15. Realise all the above could be summed up by the most important rule of all: don’t be a dickhead.  (And that applies to men and women)

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