This is a fascinating phenomenon to me.

Online dating is fascinating and I reference it often. I’ve learned so very much from female friends who have used it (mostly that guys are assholes and even attractive women have a hard time finding “quality” guys). It’s trickier than that, though. It’s almost a vicious cycle that takes place. In all fairness, I’ve also had guy friends who have used online dating. Sure, almost everyone knows someone who has used these things successfully (the cynic in me says “for now”), but I’m starting to think that it’s few and far between.

On the surface online dating sounds convenient. If you’re too busy to be social, if you don’t have many friends, if you’re too shy, too this¬† or too that, you can do online dating. The first problem that girls run into is that just like in every day life, mots guys are liars and mostly just looking for sex. No big news there (other than the tangled webs of deception spun by these guys – some of these lies are fascinating. They lie about their job, their lives and what they want), but it’s more interesting than that. That didn’t entertain me all that much because, well, most guys (this is Miami so it’s even more accurate here) are douchetards willing to lie to someone…anyone…to get laid. Not only that, apparently guys will regularly date even after they find several people interested in them. I’ve seen profiles where rather than a description, the entire thing is dedicated to chastising guys for looking for “someone perfect” and sticking around.

It hit me. Sometimes, they’re not just looking to get laid. These sites also read like a buffet; you comb through pictures and send messages to, well, photographs and let’s face it, the most attractive ones get the most messages. I can only imagine that if you get a response from Girl A and you dig her, if you get a response from Girl B who is much hotter, the guys tend to move on…until the next one catches their eye. It’s interesting. It’s almost like career dating. Is it greed? Uncertainty of what they want? Interesting.

The real point of this is actually more towards the girls. What I have found is absolutely fascinating and amusing (amuscinating?). I understand and recognize that my perspective is not necessarily accurate or correct, but it’s mine just the same. There are quite a few things that I’ve either concluded or discussed with someone so I thought I’d share.

  • I’m 5’6″. I’ve seen profiles of girls who didn’t care about the guy’s income, religion, body type, eye color, hair color, education (even if it’s only high school), if they want kids or if they have kids… but will include a height of like 5’10”. It was funny. It reminded me of the guys with the buffet again. I wondered if these people would really be OK with a 5’10” guy, overweight, with a high school education who’s perspective on having children clashed with theirs. Of course not. This is Miami, land of the shallow. I realized that the women were falling into the same buffet mentality as the guys they complained about. I laughed and kept going.
  • A friend pointed out to me that they get annoyed when profiles read “living life to the fullest.” It wasn’t until she said that when I noticed just how many profiles read that way. It was incredibly funny. What in the world does it even mean? Is it actually even possible to live life to the fullest? There must be something less generic to replace that with. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it after all.
  • Look, I don’t consider myself fit or muscular. I’m in some weird middle place,¬† BUT… here’s a tip. Always go one category “lower” than what you think you are. I couldn’t stop noticing how many people with “average” bodies were overweight and how many “athletic & toned” ones were average at best. It kind of makes you look a little delusional. Isn’t that sort of like me having a profile that says 6’1″? I can have it say what I want, but that doesn’t make it true.
  • People should REALLY think twice before they get stupid tattoos. Look, I like ink, I really do. I find it attractive, but the last thing you want is some ink symbolic of a part of your life that doesn’t exist and then expect it to be incorporated into your next one by default. You’re screwing yourself (no pun).
  • Never, ever include “sexy” or “cute” or “cutie” in your profile name or description. You sound full of yourself. Let the people who you are hoping to meet determine if they find you attractive. It’s kind of funny to see a profile that says how cute you are and then your picture screams different.
  • Never include “Persia” or “Persian” anywhere. Persia doesn’t exist. You’re Iranian.
  • If you’re going to specify an ethnicity that you’re interested in, do so but don’t start it off by saying “I’m not racists, but”. Just say it. Defending yourself against something you haven’t been accused of reminds me of the celebrities that pay out so people don’t sue them and then pretend they’re innocent. Innocent people don’t have to pay hush money.
  • Don’t have photos of your feet if they’re ugly. If you’re not sure, don’t post them. Ever. Actually, just wear socks at all times.
  • Don’t post photos of yourself with a guy. That’s just weird. You don’t know who the guy is and you wonder if it’s an ex or something.
  • Don’t post photos of yourself with your child. Let people know you have one, but that’s a bit personal. Your child doesn’t belong in a photo for a dating site. Use your head.
  • Don’t post photos of yourself with a bunch of other girls. First, you’re not likely to be the most attractive person in the group and the Buffet Mentality will likely kick in. Also, you may be used to what you look like, the guys aren’t. Unless you state it, they may not even know which one you are.
  • Never….ever… do kissyface (duck face) photos. It’s still stupid.
  • Speaking of making faces, take a look at your photos. Make sure you’re not trying to do the same face in every photo. It’s great that you think you’ve found a “look” that you think is sexy, but the reality is that it’s weird. Maybe I just notice stupid little things (look at the Batman trilogy and see how often Christian Bale keeps his mouth open), but I can’t possibly be the only one.
  • Finally, don’t include information on how your friends talked you into online dating and that’s why you’re there. 60% of people seem to have that. You’re on, so is everyone who can see it. Move along.
  • I’m sorry, ladies. There’s only one of me and I’m not really dating right now. You’ll have to go back to the buffet line. I still love you, though.
  1. Tinger Woods says:

    There are new sites that are appearing now but some of these are getting a little bit boring sometimes. Hence, I suggest that there should be a new way of introducing online dating.

    • sirtilc42 says:

      There HAS to be a new and better way. You’re right. Even though it’s relatively new, it seems dusty and outdated. Worth some brainstorming if at least for argument’s sake.

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