2014? Wow.

Overview:
You may think you’ve landed an awesome deal, but take your time before getting out that credit card. You’re not quite in the right spot to make that kind of decision, so give it another day or two (Sheeit… don’t worry. There’s no shopping going on around here. I have everything I want! I’m kidding).

Extended:
Talk about a delectable dilemma! The stars are making impulse the name of the game (Impulse may as well be my middle name), and they’ve set up shop in your house of secret desires (Lizzle has no secrets. OK, perhaps. Yeah, yeah I do). Well, now. It’s easy to see how you could get yourself into a bit of trouble if you’re not careful (That will be the opening line to my theme song because that has been the story of my life. I always think I’m being careful so I wind up walking into the lion’s den with a silly grin on my face… until I look around). Of course, this is the kind of trouble others might run from (I don’t run)— but sensual little you might take your own sweet time with it instead (I mean, you’re already in the lion’s den, you may as well try to poke them a bit and see if they stir, right? Right? No?). Ah, well. At least no one will have to remind you to be discreet.

Love:
This person seems to want to make something into a big deal (Oh, god, don’t they always? Minimize the big things, but turn little ant hills into Olympus Mons – little science reference for the geeks), but you have no interest in fighting (No! I don’t want to fight. I’m a lover. I’m dramacidal. Keep me away from that stuff. Most things can and should be resolved with a brief conversation). That seems way too dramatic. Be passive in your dealings with them (Sure. Just keep it passive on your end and I won’t have to civilize the wild in you. I just want to be cool, but if I have to civilize the natives, I will).

Singles:
It’s way too easy to be impatient today (Puh-LEEZ! I’ve been impatient for as long as I can remember. I don’t like waiting, I don’t like not knowing, I don’t like long processes, I hate not getting what I want. What? What’s wrong with that? Those are some of my more endearing qualities), so rather than giving into those frustrations, try out a more relaxed attitude (I pretend to be very relaxed. I even meditate. For me, if I try to be more relaxed I’d have to be unconscious). Let annoyances roll off your back and keep the bigger, more romantic, picture clearly in mind (See? I was with you for a while there, universe, but what “picture” are we referring to? There’s just an empty picture frame. In a best case scenario that picture is as confusing as The Persistence of Memory – see what I did there? I’m throwing all the good shit at you today).

The Persistence of Memory

Career & Finance:
Any project beginning now will go smoothly (What about ones I started previously? Or did you mean that all projects will go smoothly from this point forward despite their origin point? Poorly written, universe. I’m easily confused. Butterfly!). If you can plan or set up logistics for something new (Renaissance Festival is about the only upcoming thing and that’s not “new”  per se.. I have a new tee shirt), that’s just as good. Start the buzz early — after all, you can change anything once it’s in motion (That’s the coolest line I’ve ever read here. It sounds good, but that’s not true. Sometimes, once the train starts derailing all you can do is clench…).

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