Just some muddled thoughts.

Something funny has been happening within the last, say, 1.5 years. I have put in a ton of effort into changing, well, pretty much my entire existence. It sounds slightly exaggerated, but it (almost) isn’t. For the vast majority of my life I have reveled in being the villain. I can’t lie. I enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed making people uncomfortable because they didn’t know how I would respond to the things they would do or say. This turned into people walking on egg shells around me and I still liked it.

joker-animated-jester-clown

I did and said whatever I wanted and I tried to sleep with as many people as possible in the process. Their current relationship status didn’t concern me; as far as I was concerned, since I wasn’t the one IN the relationship(s) I was not the one who was REALLY doing anything wrong. I even enjoyed that more so because I also would feel a sense of secret one-up-manship.

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Down the road things happened that left me with a completely different perspective and with a huge appreciation for the things I had been purposely ignoring. I don’t have it in me to go on the prowl for a random, hollow hook up. Yes, take my Man Card if you’d like, it is what it is. I find that I wouldn’t lie to people about, well, pretty much anything. I try to keep myself as clear and transparent as possible. I simplify.

mancard

A few months back I was propositioned by someone with a boyfriend. Turns out she was a bit unhappy with her situation and she wanted a little attention. I politely declined and explained that I try to keep my life simple and stress free. Knocking boots with a girl with a boyfriend would be as stress free as juggling glass barefoot. What I didn’t anticipate was that the girl would actually become angry at ME for declining. Somehow, in her bruised ego I was now the villain. It amused me slightly, but I realized the world is absolutely insane. Not only could I not understand the thought process that led her to think I was the bad guy for saying no, but I also couldn’t picture being the boyfriend thinking life is great while his girlfriend was out propositioning a witty, intelligent and charming stallion such as myself. In theory she kisses the boyfriend goodbye, creates the double-backed beast with me and then returns home and kisses her man hello.

dog

I waited for the aliens to abduct me and rescue me.

Either way, these days I find myself to be in a place where I have less stress than I have in as long as I can remember. Hell, I can’t say life is “good” per se, but it’s infinitely better. Then the really confusing part hit me today. Another attractive female friend expressed that she’s not certain she likes the “new” me. That was mild. Another one told me a few months ago that I was being too nice and she wanted and preferred “asshole Lee.” To my recollection there are now 5 attractive female friends who made it clear that my new approach to everything isn’t quite… as desired.

That got me to thinking about this blog post. I suddenly realized that while I was overweight and an asshole, I would be propositioned frequently. Of course, back then I didn’t turn it down either, but I found myself unable to understand. I’m now healthier than I’ve been in over a decade and with what I think is a positive, laid back attitude about life BUT the fatter, angrier version of me got all the girls. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I quite literally outdid myself.

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It matters little, really. It’s just food for thought as it appears that you ladies want me plump and mean. I can’t say I get it, but I can say that you won’t. There’s no way I would go back to that! This is not a buffet where you ask for, and get what you want. This is more like my parent’s cooking: You get what you get. You don’t have to like it, you just don’t have to have it.

You women are making me crazier than I really am. I have no more screws (see what I did there) left that are tightened. My apologies, but you can’t get back the overweight, angry asshole villain. I’m changing things up. It’s Lizzle Time. Patent pending.

Joker-Clapping

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