It’s been a while since I read this crap.

Overview:
A small warning sets you off on a health-related panic today (I’m good. No sweat. I still have to lose more weight, but I’m back on the grind. I figure that if I have a bad personality I can at least try to look good so I can rely on that)— but you’re actually a lot better off than you think (I sure hope so!)! It’s a good time for you to just chill out and take better care of yourself (I said I’m working on it).

Extended:
You might not be feeling that great as the day starts off (Are you kidding me? The office is closed due to snow. My day started with breakfast while I watched The Walking Dead. I’m chilling – no pun), but the people you’re around sure think you’re looking great and they won’t be shy about saying so (Well, bring it on. Don’t keep me waiting! Flattery will get you everywhere!)! Take the adoration and compliments seriously — this is not a day to play the humble card (It’s fine. I left my humble card in the other jacket). The flattery you receive will help you feel better physically and emotionally (Well, I guess you guys are therapeutic! So, for my health, please lay it on me thick!). So agree with other people when they say you’re looking good, because disagreeing with them will only keep you in a sour mood (No worries. I’ll take it!)!

Love:
You don’t want to go to work or do much of anything else (It’s perfectly fine. We had a snow day so I’m staying home) — your energy needs to recharge for a while, and you’re having a great time just hanging out with friends or housemates and scoping out hotties (Unless there are some eskimo chicks walking around the neighborhood, I don’t see that as a possibility).

Singles:
It’s easy to make people feel good right now (To be fair, it’s easy for me to make people feel good pretty much all the time. OK, that was a bit much), so go right ahead and put that to work in your love life (Love life? My love life died ages ago, but that’s OK. I have you folks!). Start something sweet and lovely by pinging an online prospect (Prospect? I have no prospect. Am I mining for gold here?) or chatting up someone new face-to-face (Screw that. The only new people I’ve met are from work. I’ll never make the mistake of being involved with someone from work again. Unless I’m drinking because we all know that it doesn’t count if you’re drinking).

Career & Finance:
The occasional good time with colleagues is fine, as long as you don’t overdo it (See? That’s what I’m talking about). When they start knowing your personal details as well as you do, you’ve gone too far (Sorry. Even the people that know me personally don’t have the details of my personal life. I’m not very good at that crap so no sweat). Sadly, you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, so be forewarned (I hate stupid metaphors and I bet that if you tried really hard and got creative you could, in fact, put toothpaste back in the tube).

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