A friend sent me over some spam she received. I had to say hello.

I don’t know if there’s a spammer Black List, but spammers no longer write me. If this guy does I’ll update it as I go along, but it was way overdue.

Spammer Kojo Michael:
Hello, I ‘m Kojo Michael from Liberia, but presently living in Gambia with my little sister Haddy, due to our condition since the death of our parents. However, I write to seek your help and cooperation to help us retrieve our consignment  which contains (money) which is  seal in a trunk box and put in  security  vault.

The  vault agrees  to be using their emissary as  courier for onward delivery of the consignment to your country after Mr.Hassan Hamid disappointed us out of his greediness. At first, our agreement is 20% which 5% should be set aside to procuring any expenses upon delivery of the total sum of the money US$5.5 Million Dollars, but he later changed our initial agreement with him and demanding for 60% of the total sum.

Please, if you can assist/help us retrieve the consignment box (money) from the diplomat, as the vault does not know the content of the consignment, we will be very happy to compensate you with 25% of the total sum. Furthermore, I will give you the contact details of the delivery agent so that you can speak with delivery  services and then take delivery of the consignment box (fund) to be delivered to your destination address on our behalf then you will help us to process our traveling documents after delivery is being successfully made to you so that we can relocate to your country to continue our education.

You will advice us on whatever profitable ventures which we shall invest on our percentages on Please, I would also need an experienced person like you to assist us set up; develop a good investment project that will yield us profit, before we complete our education. You will be in charge of the investment and you will also be entitled to a percentage agreed upon from the investment. I am expecting your urgent response. Your maximum cooperation is highly needed.Kindly call us if you are willing to help us. +2203051639 Thank you and God bless, Kojo Michael & Haddy

Lee to Spammer:
Hello, Kojo Michael from Liberia. I am Lizzle of Maryland by way of Miami by way of Panama by way of Uterus. Please send my regards to your little sister Haddy. What is your condition since the death of your parents and how are they? I felt I needed to ask as not doing so would be a grave error and a deadly mistake. I see you need my help and cooperation to assist with your consignment and I would be glad to do so. It appears your consignment is in a box in a vault, but I have watched Mission Impossible if that counts (the first and third, I missed the second). I’m very sorry to hear that Mr. Hassan was greedy – people like that suck. They really do.

Speaking of which, thank you for the very generous offer of 25%. I would like to counter that with 30% but only because of the danger involved, taxes, inflation, regurgitation, a mulatto, an albino, a mosquito and the risk I have to take. If that’s acceptable, please let me know so that I can bust a move really quickly.

Also, if you are going to relocate (it’s really not MY country, per se, I just live here) you and Haddy (how old is she – can I holler?) can stay with me for a while if you’d like. I’m nothing if not helpful and absolutely adorable. I’m not entirely certain about investments, but I heard the Clippers are for sale. Other than that, I would have to find someone with more than my considerable intelligence to help you.

Please let me know immediately what you want me to do so that I can help you.

Lizzle Lord of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport and Warden of the West



  1. […] rejected by women. This hurt my ego. This hurt my pride. Was it me? Something I said? Where are the Kojo Michael’s of the world? Snappy Lobsters? Sweet, thoughtful men like Pastor James Harry??? Is Madam Safia […]

  2. Barbara says:

    *LMAO* Can I holler?

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